I know I'm screwed

Because I prefer to be your (anyone's) imaginary girlfriend each night,
a lonely warrior,
a brave suicider,
a helpless princess,
someone loved and desired,

than living my very own life.

Also tonight I screwed it with the N friend. I told him some inexact words about 3 men I actually were never anything mine, and I'm afraid he thinks I'm wrong in the only way I'm actually not.

Life definitely sucks.

Looking for bravery and the right moment.